EVALUATION

EVALUATION


       Even though we did all our work and rehearsals as a group, as a company, each one of us had to focus on his personal work. The only way the whole show could go the way we wanted, raise at the level we expected it to be was to give our best on our individual parts. I can't speak in the name of the others, but I personally feel like I managed to improve my performance since the last one. I feel like the themes present in this play were more attracting to me, so I could involve myself emotionally more than ever. The writer, Caryl Churchill, gave to the actor the opportunity to use its own imagination, because there were no indications, no punctuation signs and I find it great how all of us took advantage of this and really left a part of themselves in their scenarios.

       When they told us about a new play we were going to work on, I was excited. I didn’t what to expect, but I knew it was a beginning, which means a new chance to do a better work than the previous ones. Then we were divided in two groups and even though I would’ve enjoyed working with any person in this course, I was glad to see some of the people from the Blue group were in my team again. I suppose when you spend a large amount of time with someone you develop a connection with them in a different way, you get used to them and their work manner. We started rehearsing on our own, without needing a teacher; we had our own ideas, which seemed pretty good to me and our setting suffered many changes till the final decision was made. Sometimes we were rehearsing in 034, with our partners and sometimes we were in 222, rehearsing the play as a whole. Every now and then, we were performing our work till at that point in front of the others, so we could get some feedback. I was surprised to see how the same scenarios were interpreted in two completely different ways and how the same show could be represented almost like two different plays, because of the tiny details that may not seem so important at a first glance. The time was passing by and we could see our play getting in shape, but we still had a few days left and our technical rehearsals weren’t done. Our performance was going to be on Thursday, the 30th of May and we managed to do the tech run only on Tuesday; it seems like this play really needed more time to get through it with every technical aspect.

       As a conclusion to the whole process me and my team have been through since we had the scripts in our hands and till our last performance, I believe we did an amazing job regarding our collaboration. We shared visions, ideas, thoughts and opinions. We had feedback during rehearsals from Monique and Shenagh and we tried our best to respect the advice they gave us, as they were our third eye and they could see things from the perspective of an audience. For example, the idea of adding drama and more action to the "Savant" scene came after they told us our relation as partners was not very accentuated. So, we decided to create an emotional connection.
      The two performances were different in quality, as Shenagh said it as well through a text message she sent us after the last show. The first was better and I suppose that happened because of the energy we started with. I remember everyone was focused and had emotions, being unsure of how it is going to be on stage. As 2 p.m. was getting closer, I could feel the tension moving through my body, starting from my mind, going all the way down to my feet and stopping right in my chest. The adrenaline was flooding through my veins, but unlike the Macbeth performance, when I almost had a panic attack, this time I could control it and keep my head clear. I could use those feelings and energy  for my characters. The highest levels of emotion were before my monologue, “Message” and before my last scene, “Fate”. In fact, towards the ending I was so restless that I withdrew myself in the left empty side of the stage and started getting into my character. The reason for our lack of energy in the evening could be the long break we had in between the shows or the fact that we were sure the performance is going to be good enough anyway and we don't have to try so hard again.
      However, I am sure of the fact that we did manage to complete our task as a group and individually. Maybe the biggest confirmation we were waiting for was the reaction of the audience and that of our tutors. It made me even happier when Rob and Shenagh congratulated us, seeing on their faces that they were truly content and enjoyed our performance.
      From this process I have learned that I can be a better version of myself if I am motivated enough to go through the work that I and only I am supposed to do. I like to “steal” from my acting development and add to my personal one and that’s what I did this time, as well; the mindset of a hard worker, the belief in my own powers and the perseverance are only a few key elements that I am going to use in the future.
   

Here is a photo of us. We were clapping for the audience, the technical theatre students, the tutors, but mostly, we were clapping for moments like this.

REHEARSALS

             REHEARSALS

• What did you contribute to the collaboration process?

     Working on an episodic play like "Love and Information" by Caryl Churchill means every member of our group has certain tasks to complete. Fulfilling these tasks is a part of the collaboration process, because if every scene works well, then the whole play works well. Still, the scenes have to be well linked , too. And that's a group task: to find a story behind your play, an order that has a meaning and make sure everyone agrees with the final decision.

      A part of my collaboration, same as everyone else was to make sure we always communicate with each other, express our ideas and listen. Most of the decisions that have been made about the play as a whole, have been made together. 

      Anyway, sure thing everyone had ideas regarding their scenes. For my scenes, I came with ideas for the situations, the setting, the characters, the lighting, the sounds and the props. In My scene with Chloe, "Fan", we worked so well together and whenever we had a new idea, we were free to share with each other. For example, the initial idea was to search for something in our crush's house, breaking in. Then we came up with the idea that we should be looking for some newspaper where it should be written the answer to our question; 'What's his favorite smell?'. Then I had the idea of having a box on which is written: 'Personal, don't touch'. I, also, wanted a kind of theatrical movement, like a specific way on the stage and that's how the rollings on the floor were introduced. On my scene with Diogo, the idea with the army came up real soon, since we were trying to think of something creative. And this one seemed perfect. Then we decided to make this scene more dramatic and that's how Diogo got shot and died.

• What different skills did you need to draw on and how did you use them?

     After finding out what this play is about, I had to bring my 'experience backpack' with me and give my best to achieve the realness and truth this play deserves. The themes and situations it presents are no strangers for me, so I had a possible advantage. But that doesn't make my journey easier. I had to use my emotional memory, technique we learned while studying Stanislavsky. And I did use it on every scene. Now, of course, I have never been on a war, so I can't search for those emotions, but I can play a little with the situation. In the scene, my partner is dying, so I remembered when my uncle died; I chose my uncle's death because he was more like a friend to me. Still, when the soldier dies, after I tried to save him, I get resigned and I accept the fact that there's nothing more to do, because he was loosing too much blood. But why would I get resigned about my uncle's death? Well, one of the reasons could be the fact that I already knew he was sick because of the cigarettes he was smoking and he knew that too and still, he never did something about it. 
       Also, I had to use the "Magic If" and use my imagination and creativity; Stanislavsky's techniques are always going to be a part of the ''getting into the character'' process. In addition, I have used Meisner's technique of repetition on "Fan", repeating some of my lines that didn't came out naturally; and I did that till I wasn't thinking anymore about the way I'm saying it, but keeping the emotion behind it.
       For this play I have used one of the skills that I gained during these months: taking my time to feel, to think, to act and to talk. I feel like my forth wall was there more than ever and my "thick skin" helped me stay in my character, keep my subtext and be sure of what I was doing. A part from the evolution process is to keep with you the things you learn at all times, so besides developing new skills, I brought some of the skills I was counting on: good communication with my partner, learning lines quickly, so it was even easier to learn these lines due to their short length, allowing me to focus more on my acting and not on the lines; good focus while playing and before that, while getting into my character and my weirdness helped me building up some of my character, especially the one from “Message”. As we had a more complex setting, spatial awareness was a skills that didn’t just helped us to be more connected with our surroundings, but it helped us take care of the decor and ourselves. 

• How did your skills develop as a result of this work?

     I feel like I improved my skills from many points of view. I’ve learned to not be shy on stage, to give 100% of me and to not be afraid of failure or embarrassment; I used to be 
afraid that if I tried things out of my comfort zone and failed, the others would see me as a fool or maybe consider that I am not talented, but I realized that playing it safe and doing average work only because I am afraid of being judged is far more worse than failing and trying it again. 

     My voice and projection got better, as well as my pronunciation. It seems like the vocal warm ups, the tongue twisters and the breathing exercises have finally shown some results. However, there still remains a lot to be improved. 

     I have developed my directing skills, as we were our own directors. I enjoy it, having the freedom to follow and present my own vision and taking on the responsibility of ''playing'' with the characters and their scenarios.

     I feel like now I am more relaxed when I’m performing, I am not afraid anymore to stand in front of the others, thinking that I could screw up in any second. I am feeling better when I’m acting, I take my time and enjoy every second of it. Also, whenever I was rehearsing or performing, I used to be feeling like floating, which is not very useful when you're trying to be or, at least, seem sure of every action of yours, but I observed that my weight placement improved and now I am able to keep myself grounded to the floor; the extra unnecessary steps I used to add when I was feeling like the look of the audience had the power to move my body...yes, I managed to get over that and to be the only one that was in charge over my movements.
      As about my character’s objectives, I’ve learned to make them clearer for the audience. I've learned to get out of "cinema mode" and to make sure the back row would be able to understand what I am saying or if I put on a grin or not. 

     I realized I am the one in control of the show, of the audience and not vice versa.

• What was your additional role and how did it contribute to the overall success of the final show?

     I consider my additional role was that one of a director for my scenes. Besides making sure my scenarios were well linked to the rest of the play and that I did my best to do all that was for me to do, I was there to offer my help, my advice and opinion to whoever wanted it. When the final performance was getting closer and we had to think about the technical part of our play, I made decisions about the lights, the sounds, the costumes and the props used for the scenes that I was a part of . Of course, all the final decisions were being made after we shared our ideas with one another and discussed about it .

• What did you learn from the experience and how will you use it in the future?

    After this experience, I’ve learned how to work in a team all by ourselves, with no teacher to tell us what our next steps will be. I have learned that my individual work and ideas are a big part of the collaborative process and that I should trust myself more. Also, I have realized that no matter the circumstances around me, I should always be ready to go on stage and perform my roles. As I’ve said previously, I have learned to use all of me on stage, that including the body and the facial expressions.

     All the things I have learned and that I am learning at this moment are a part of my knowledge base and of my experience. Inevitably, I will be using them in the future, both in my acting projects and my personal life, as some of the skills I gained is confidence, focus and courage.